At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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