the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
