and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
