WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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