so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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