Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My feet surprised me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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