i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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