just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
