they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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