So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
