hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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