i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
