Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
