The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
