He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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