So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
