He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
