never play flip cup with pint glasses
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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