Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
