The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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