Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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