he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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