Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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