Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
