life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
His hands were made for my vagina.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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