I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
