The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This beer is not sobering me up at all
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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