beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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