she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
