how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
