I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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