I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
