i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
