so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
