Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
