you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
