I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you never un-have a 4some
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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