And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
