just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
