His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I had to cum in my sink.
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