If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
false alarm, still single
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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