I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
