You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
