Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
