your parents love me but you hate me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
