Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
