im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
