omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
