Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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