Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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